08 May 2008

The Story, Part two

...Can I just say I wish there was a way to reorganize these posts to fall in opposite order. As it is, it’s like a viewer stumbles by and starts at the end of the current thread...if that’s you, go back to http://the-m-blog.blogspot.com/2008/04/waiting.html and read up from there.

OK – so in our last installment, our hero had his bag packed and was getting ready to drive to the airport and see what God did...

With that cliffhanger in the air, let me bring in another thread here that I hinted at earlier, but needs a bit more explanation. I’ve been involved with Boot Camp Northwest for about 3.5 years now. As that effort has moved along and I’ve been on this crazy ride with God, I’ve had this increasingly vexing thought. If part of the Wild at Heart message is that we men have ‘a beauty to rescue’ as one of our core motivators, what does that really look like. Setting aside the fact that the principle rings quite strongly for both Rebekah and I, I’m teaching sessions at an all men event in the ‘wilderness’ of Wild Horse Canyon. How can Rebekah be a part of that? And it’s not just Re. All of the guys have been increasingly aware of this inconsistency (dare I say hypocrisy?) but we have been totally at a loss to untangle the Gordian knot. Despite several long and heartfelt (and presumably spirit led) conversations on the matter, none of us have come up with anything that felt like an answer...just ongoing awareness of the problem. She can write her own thoughts on the matter if she wishes, but suffice it to say that as I was headed for the door on this new (again) adventure with God she was feeling left out.

I confess that at first I felt pretty miffed at that. I was thinking, “God is moving here and you’re letting petty jealousy get in the way of His divine purpose.”

OK, just in case the sarcastic tone got lost in the blog there, I want to be totally clear. That was a totally unfair way for me to see what was going on. The truth was that she was completely right.
I was leaving her out.
I had been leaving her out for a while.
And it was contrary to what God had in mind.

Now at the same time, I don’t want to be too self-flagellating here. It wasn’t as if I didn’t WANT Rebekah to be apart of what was going on, I just never saw how it was supposed to fit together. In fact, Re and I have had  several conversations on exactly the same line – how could she be a part of what was happening – and she didn’t see it either. So it’s not as if I was deliberately excluding her or even thoughtlessly neglecting her. This leads me to a conclusion that I find profound but too big and new to explore right now. Neither of us saw what was to come to next because the door wasn’t open yet. It wasn’t time yet for this to happen – it had to be opened by God first...

But I’m getting ahead of myself. That Wed. night it seemed wiser to stay home and be with my wife than to go off chasing the goose. But not two hours after that door was closed (by me) God was back in my face with another ‘Charlotte.’ So I took that to mean the trail hadn’t gone cold...

A few days later, just like I had done after the last conference I had missed, I went to the Morning Star website and intended to download the audio again. However, I was drawn to he article I mentioned earlier (http://www.morningstarministries.org/Publisher/Article.aspx?id=1000031456) and some of the video on the website. I read about how something remarkable was going on over in Charlotte.

More specifically, at the Worship and Warfare conference (you know, the one I was supposed to be at six months ago) the whole thing had been kinda interrupted by God with a big move of the Spirit. What’s more, the same thing, only bigger, was now happening at the OTHER conference God wanted me to attend a few days ago.

You know, I can get pretty passionate about God and I am a ‘hand raiser’ in worship, but I’m not at all a Holy Roller. To be really honest, at lot of that video coming from Morning Star makes me decidedly uncomfortable. But when I was reading that article, especially the parts about fatherhood and dreams, I was overcome with the Spirit in a way that I’ve never felt before (or least not in a long time). I was shaking and caught somewhere between crying and giggling and I just started to freak out.

It was awesome!
It was frightening!
I want more!

That afternoon, I dropped by my church on a business errand and had a chance to bring Bill along for a brief drive. As I shared the story with him, particularly my only deepening dilemma regarding Rebekah, he said the simplest of things – ‘Maybe you should invite her?’

Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying that when Captivating says that a woman wants to be invited into the adventure (not to BE the adventure) that I can just, you know, INVITE her? I swear it seems so stupid and obvious now but that exceedingly simple answer was totally hidden form me prior to that moment. That night I took Re out to a nice dinner...trying to buy her off in case it was un uncomfortable conversation. :) But in all honesty it was a very good and basically obvious conversation and she said yes – she’d love to go.

It was then (or maybe earlier that day, I don’t remember now or sure) that I decided to start putting all of this on my blog.

One of the other strong and recurring themes here has been the community aspect of this process. For better or for worse, and whether I’m excited about the idea of being all transparent or not, I’m convinced that God wants this...whatever it is...to be out in the open, or you dear reader to see as it unfolds.  Of course a part of that is just the power of testimony and of story. But I’m convinced there is also something here about sharing in whatever blessing God has in store on he other side of the country. He’s told me that I have to sit and let His provision ‘come to me like a child’ a phrase I’ve had repeated to me often in the last few weeks (though not as often as ‘Charlotte’).

So that’s what the whole donation thing is about. I’m convinced that he wants me to invite anybody who wants, anybody who is thirsty, to be a part of this...this...thing. Sort of a highways and hedges bit (Mat 22), which may turn out to be a far more accurate metaphor that I really meant it to be when I first used it. Other people have prepared me for this, but I must say I’ve been surprised (and to be honest disappointed in some cases) about where the actual financial support for this has been rising from. I’ve been on the other end of fundraising and I certainly know what that’s like but this is my first time where I feel God asking me to put my hat out, it’s an odd experience, rife with emotion. But enough for that.

I reckon that about brings me the story up the current moment if you include the few additional notes I’ve added in other posts. I know at least one fellow from BCNW was fired up enough to go over there himself and Rick – go get ‘em tiger. Hopefully Re and I will join you. With that, I’ll log off and let you all know what happens next.

1 comment:

Kristin said...

"Invite her' ... I love that. I love Pastor Bill's simple logic in these situations. It's so much like God, isn't it?
Yes, you are one flesh.. where you go, she goes ...
Along these lines, I feel compelled to encourage you to read Song of Solomon today. Don't know exactly why, but I feel like that's what the Lord has put on my heart to tell you.