In the middle of writing a long post about Sand and Sky and as part of that I've been going back through old journals and blog posts. Tonight I read this one : http://the-m-blog.blogspot.com/2007/03/kids-with-mad-healing-skills.html
(Which has nothing at all to do with S&S BTW)
And I'm reading this just a couple of hours after I was part of a fairly straight forward deliverance prayer.
Reading about miraculous healing, fresh off a scrap with some woolybooger, and I'm struck by something. Why is it that I feel the most ambivalent, the most doubtful, almost directly after a kind of victory? Like I've been feeling that a fight was inbound for weeks now (and this may have just been a skirmish - we'll see) and my faith has been building. Tonight at BCNW we jumped into a really cool prayer time and I felt the Spirit show up big time. Then there's this deliverance thing - we hop to and the dark air clears.
You'd think I'd be encouraged, vindicated, or something like that. Instead I'm brushing my teeth and my head is like "Did that even really happen? Was that all play acting and demon-drama? And even if it was real, did I really have any role there or was I just a bystander?"
So that conversation is going on in my head and then another part of me is thinking the "why ambivalent now" thought and God speaks plain as day. "He's trying to keep the seed from taking root." And suddenly a lot makes sense. First, that's not me asking those depressing questions. Second, these are tech birds of the Good Soil parable. Something cool, powerful and faith building has just happened - a spiritual seed has been planted in my heart but for a while it's vulnerable to the frakking birds.
So my immediate prayer goes like this: