03 October 2006

An old poem

So I was rummaging through a valise filled with old writings and came across several pieces that I think I may post in the next several weeks. Believe it or not, the original thought behind this blog was not the ongoing internal monologue, laid bare for the world to see, but rather a place to work on a few writing projects that wander around in my head. Anyway, with the idea of writing in mind, here’s a poem from several years ago. I’ve been playing with this idea of a multi-threaded poem for several years, but I’m not sure it makes sense to anybody but me. Anyway, here goes nothing.
























Knowing her has been bittersweet

a constant conflict between feelings, principles and states of mind

To remember

lingering in reverie

To remind

advancing apprehensively


A doubled mind reeled and trebled

as our paths approached diversity


To smile warmly,

sincerely, fondly,

but only warmly.

Restraining the

rest

for

now.

Accepting the moment's

brevity.

Recognizing its momentum

carrying when

          to now

                    to then.



Leaving memory



leaving friends.

To run wildly

terrified, protective and wailing.

Enraged at the fates

making me meet her

now

NOW!

Curse the circumstance!

Sever the fingers

that pulled us together

at the knuckle

never look back

NEVER!

                    never...

the anger is diluted in frustration

both distilled from the tears

that seem to think never

was better than now.

To kiss deeply

electrified, abandoned

fascinated by the depth

of her

smile

the clumsy, impatient

when

of longing timidity

answered

in her lips

the fullness of which

bespeak

          and

                    articulate

the hollow

of the heart

they fill.

If she'd never suggested she knew

matching my confusion

with her passive resignation

I might have left content to be conflicted,

immune to the consequence of inaction.



Instead a unanimous unspoken conspiracy came

discouraging discussion and forbidding distinction

decisions disallowed by virtue of their clarity

unable to embrace the growing complexity.



With proximity receding, replaced by dissolution

the half of me remaining wanders.


To remember

regretfully

in reaction to inaction

To restructure recollection



straightening and sterilizing



uncomfortable edges



perceiving it best



to forget.

4 comments:

Both Fex said...

Holy crap.

Erm.... wow.

Silverback said...

Thanks El,
Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. ;)
I told you it was old...

Both Fex said...

Old-schmold! I think you misunderstood me. It's the best thing you've written that you've allowed me to read. I think it's wonderful. My reaction was stunned- not that I should have been stunned, I mean, of course you could write something wonderful, er, I mean...

It's good and I'm shutting up now.

matt said...

Dude... it's a chick.
Sweet. ;-)

Seriously though, very good!